My aunt Joan passed away a couple of days ago. She had been ill for some time, and had suffered mental illnesses since she was a small child. Throughout her life, she suffered schizophrenia, fragile X syndrome, and even Parkinson's disease. She spent much of her life in special care homes, where she recieved surprisingly good care and treatment.

Her funeral was unexpectedly well-attended. Many of her care-givers and advocates over the

years came to pay their respects, and a good number of family members I had not met, or have not seen since I was a small child. While she was sometimes difficult to communicate with, but we all loved her. As she grew older, her illnesses took their toll on her, and she became confined to a wheelchair. Her pain and unhappiness became more frequent and more obvious. A year ago, she came down with pneumonia, and was on life support. My grandmother made the very difficult decision to 'pull the plug' on her... and she woke up, said she was hungry, and was dismissed and sent home the next day. But, since then, her health has deteriorated. Many of us feel that her death was a relief for her.

My grandfather (her father) passed away some time ago, and she would often say that she wished she 'was with Daddy'. We tried to quantify her death as an escape for her pain, and the difficulties she had suffered continually, and throughout her life. Despite those thoughts, however, the loss of her presence from our lives was still sad and painful. How is it, even when death is welcomed both by the deceased, and their family that we still hurt when they are gone?

The events of this past week have given me a lot of reflection about life, and afterlife. My grandmother is a devoted Catholic, and so the funeral services were, too. I am decidedly in disagreement with the religious dogma of the Catholic faith. But, I have been reflecting on the whole process of death- how removed we are from dealing with the deceased, the beliefs we hold onto to try and comfort ourselves when a loved one dies, and the whole afterlife/reincarnation thing.

I am a bit concerned about my grandmother as well. She is nearly 90 years of age, and up until a couple of weeks before my aunt's death, has lived in her home by herself. She recently ended up in hospital again, and is now in a rehabilitation wing of a nursing home. My father's intention is for her to stay there, and get a private room once she is done with rehabilitation and physical therapy. She has made it clear that she is ready to die, and has no regrets... and in a way, I think part of her was holding on for aunt Joan- my grandmother has always been worried about Joan (her daughter) and the care she was getting- and repeatedly expressed concern over the care Joan would recieve after she died... (Without my grandmother, who would fight for Joan?) Now that Joan has died, I think my grandmother may soon follow. She does not want to live in the nursing home, even though she knows it is probably best for her...

All in all, the past few days have given me a lot to contemplate about our mortality.